Monday, May 22, 2017

Drama Queens and Adult Themes by Kevin Klehr


Title:  Drama Queens and Adult Themes
Series: Actors and Angels, book 2
Author: Kevin Klehr
Publisher:  NineStar Press
Release Date: May 22, 2017
Heat Level: 3 - Some Sex
Pairing: Male/Male, Male/Male Menage
Length: 62350
Genre: Fantasy, performance arts, contemporary, established relationship, angels, over 40, open relationship, age gap, ménage, cheating, drugs, death, romance, fantasy, paranormal, cisgender

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Synopsis

Adam’s about to discover how much drama a mid-life crisis can be. He’s obsessed with Mannix, the nude model in his art class. But Adam has been married to Wade for nearly two decades, and they don’t have an open relationship. Little do they know that Fabien, a warlock from the Afterlife, has secretly cast a spell of lust on Adam and his potential toy-boy. As things begin to heat up, Adam’s guardian angel, Guy, steps in. But what’s the best way to save the relationship? Should Guy subdue Adam’s wandering passions or instigate a steamy threesome?

Excerpt

Drama Queens and Adult Themes Kevin Klehr © 2017 All Rights Reserved Chapter One Adam He stood wearing a velvety white towel and an eager grin. Either could’ve disappeared at my whim. I smelled the freshly laundered lemon scent of the towel combined with the odor of his body sweat, which I was dying to lick from his forehead. I’m always a sucker for a devil-may-care attitude. It makes me weak at the knees in an instant, but in this case, I was already reclined in my gleaming white tub, so there was no danger of losing my balance. The water filled to the brim, and I knew that when he joined me, he would splash the tiles below. I’d only known him for half an hour, and already I was under his spell. Was he a young man of style, or was he a man of simple tastes? Did he have a daytime career that gave him the world at his fingertips, or did he simply have the freedom of freelance engagements? Time slowed as his luxurious towel fell to the floor. His body was not toned like a swimwear model. His features would never inspire a dozen wet dreams. It was his everyday physical qualities that were driving me wild. That tuft of silky chest hair that traced its way to his belly button. He even had a little flab. Not too much, just a tad. To me, it signaled a man of zero pretense. But as the towel was now on the floor, his upper body wasn’t what I was focusing on. He lifted one leg and eased himself into the water. The other leg followed as instinct lured my face toward his luscious… “At some point, Adam, you do need to put pencil to paper,” said my art teacher. He had crept up behind me. My wayward daydream vanished. Hopefully, I’d find it again before bedtime. I blushed and so did the nude model. I quickly drew a line, but it wasn’t in keeping with the young man’s form. I was startled at my own behavior. A man of my age wasn’t supposed to act like a starstruck teenager. My instructor gently gripped my hand and guided my pencil to create a more natural line. The model winked at me as some of the other students chuckled. Another budding male artist with bleached-blond hair nodded in my direction, smiling slyly. “Okay, I admit it. My mind was somewhere else, and I apologize to the model,” I said. All eyes in the room were on me. “I’m flattered,” the model replied. “It’s not like me to act like this, seriously.” “Can I get you a glass of water?” asked the teacher. “Thanks but I’ll get one myself. I think I need a walk. I’ll catch up on my drawing as soon as I get back.” I rushed out of the classroom. This was all too weird in my situation. I was in my early forties and still madly in love with the man I’d shared my life with for the last eighteen years. We had a healthy sex life, even though I fantasized more than I’d like to admit. In fact, any dreamy man wandering past my view would arouse my animal instincts faster than a straight guy in a room of lipstick lesbians. But this young man posing for art class had my tongue dragging so close to the floor I was licking it clean. I was definitely not ready for a midlife crisis, or so I thought. I sat on a seat in the corridor. Was I capable of having a discreet fling? I lightly slapped myself on the cheek, waking up to how ridiculous this question was. Why would he want to have an affair with an old fart like me? It was the middle of winter, and I could already feel chilled air on the tip of my nose. I stood up and headed for the bathroom. I splashed warm water on my face. I stared at the mirror, giving my reflection some sound advice. “Adam, get a grip. You don’t know this guy, but suddenly he’s invaded your thoughts. Yes, I know he looks really cute up there with nothing but that devilish grin and a pair of turquoise socks, but come on now, he can’t be more than thirty!” “Seems like you’re smitten,” alleged the bleached-blond student. He had wandered through the door and was heading for the urinal. “Were you standing outside long?” “I heard you down the corridor. Nothing to be ashamed of, really. This is my fourth class, and I’ve had to draw that same model once before. He hasn’t got the perfect body, but boy has he got the perfect attitude. Alluring, and if there is a god, available.” The blond zipped up his fly and wandered to the sink next to me. “I agree, but I usually don’t go around acting like a schoolgirl with a crush.” “Enjoy it. Not all their models have that much charisma.” We escorted each other back to art class where the other students had made headway on their drawings. I focused on the model’s socks in an attempt to concentrate on my artwork, rather than the young man’s prominent feature. Soon the ankles were added before my pencil carefully outlined his masculine legs. As I traced up to the hip, I sighed as I studied his most manly asset. How should I draw it? Would the teacher fail me if I portrayed it erect? After all, a great artist should display his own feelings on the sketchpad. I decided to skip his crotch and draw his chest. His slightly defined chest. Not too developed, but not devoid of shape either. The small tuft of dark hair in the center of the upper body was outlined with great care. Outlining shape was one thing, but defining the type of chest hair someone had was another. A trail of thick small lines was carefully added to the picture from the torso to the navel. “Okay folks, pencils down.” The teacher wandered around the room giving us feedback. The charming model reached for a pair of frayed blue jeans, which were neatly folded over the back of a chair just an arm’s length away. He pulled them up and carefully buttoned the fly around his naked assets, as he clearly hadn’t brought underwear. “We’ll have him back in a couple of weeks if you want to complete this particular drawing,” said the teacher. He gave me a cheeky look. “How far did you get?” asked the model. He grabbed his dusty-pink T-shirt and snuggled into it tightly. “Not as far as I would have liked,” I replied. “Let’s see.” He strolled over to my unfinished work. I was anxious by the thought of only a patch of denim between me and the model’s private bulge. I concentrated on my artwork and tried not to let the man’s proximity lead me to more wicked thoughts. Who was I kidding? I had to divert my attention to our teacher instead, who was heading my way. He was a funky, retired chap. Black thick-rimmed glasses, peppered hair, and beard with a gentle face. The kind of man who’d take long walks with his wife in the park and watch Sunday arts programs on television. “For the short amount of time you spent on this, you did pretty well for a newcomer,” he said. “But what are these strange lines to his side?” “Um, I had this desire to add wings to my subject.” “Wings?” “I know it’s odd, but you did say at the beginning of class not to be constrained by what we see, and that we all see characteristics differently.” “Yeah, but wings? Are you picturing our model as some kind of angel?” “Why not? I’m seeing caring characteristics.” The young man gave me a saintly smile. The teacher stroked his chin before pointing to the socks I’d drawn. “Are my ankles really that shape?” the model asked. He bent over to take a closer look. I wanted to bury my tongue in the nape of his neck and lick off any imaginary sweat. “Yes, that’s the shape of your ankles,” the instructor replied. He gestured toward a student near the window. “Ian over there did a better job on your ankles, but Adam really did well on your socks. The way the shape of the feet peep through the cotton is not something I expect from a first-timer.” “Thanks,” I replied. “I used to do a little sketch work last year but only amateur stuff. Still life from things around the house. A clock, fruit, dirty laundry, that sort of thing.” “Bring in your drawings next week. I’d like to see them.” He spoke up to address the class. “Now let’s check out Ian’s work, and Carla’s. Ian knows his ankles, and Carla’s good with faces.” We walked over to look at Ian’s sketch as the other students followed. Ian’s careful study of the model’s feet almost made them look bare. Carla captured the man’s cheeky smirk skillfully, making that feature alone the highlight of her image. The budding blond artist did his best work with the chest and hips, although they were considerably more masculine than they needed to be. We all made the rounds, admiring and commenting on the other artworks before ending back at my attempt. There were unanimous compliments about the socks, sparking the suspicion that I must have a foot fetish. Like anyone, I had my kinks, but sucking toes was not one of them. There’s something about a tinea marinade that just doesn’t float my boat. “You know, Adam, maybe you’re onto something with the angel wings,” said Carla. “I would have put a wry smile and devil horns on him, just because I think he’s cheeky. But you see him as virtuous.” “Divine, maybe, but not virtuous,” I replied. Everyone strolled back to their easels to pack away their portraits except for the appealing model. He stayed to chat. He even helped me roll up the drawing as I studied the way his skillful hands worked with a cylindrical object. “I’ll be back here in a couple of weeks if you want to finish the picture. They use me at least once a month.” “Getting naked doesn’t bother you?” “I have open-minded parents. They used to take me to nudist beaches when I was a kid.” “Only child?” “Only child.” “Spoiled?” “A bit. Still am, I suppose, even living away from home. Mum’s always dropping off baked dinners or cookies for me and my flatmate. You’d think we can’t fend for ourselves.” “I’m Adam,” I said. I raised my hand, and he shook it firmly. “Mannix. Please don’t ask what my parents were thinking when they came up with that name. On marijuana or something.” “I like it.” “I want to change it, eventually.” “What to?” “At this stage, I haven’t a clue.” “Keep it. It sounds like the name of a secret agent.” “Yeah, a pretty lame one at that.” Mannix handed me my picture as I beamed at him, probably resembling a lonely bachelor with a crush on an enigmatic porn star. “I’m honored you were taken with the subject matter,” he teased. “Between you and me, Mannix, that’s never happened to me before. I’m sorry if I was staring.” “Not blowing my own trumpet or anything, but Adam, you wouldn’t be the first.” He winked, which kind of made me feel embarrassed. “Do you need a lift somewhere?” “It’s okay. I have my car.” Instantly, I regretted this admission of car ownership. Could I grab those words from the air and stuff them back in my mouth? My beautiful partner, Wade, was not going to be home for at least another hour and a half, and maybe, just maybe? I snapped back from my adolescent thoughts and sighed. “Do you want a nightcap before going home?” he asked. “Yes!” I replied with the zeal of a henpecked man about to get a lap dance. “I mean, sure. That’s a good idea. Whatever you want. Drink. Good suggestion.” “Is that bar on Clarence Street on your way home?” “As a matter of fact, it is.” It was actually in the opposite direction. “Looks like we’ve got a date.” He walked ahead of me before helping get my pencils and my sketch onto the passenger seat of my car. It was a ten-year-old modest two-door hatch, which Wade and I had bought secondhand. We both used to drive it before my partner fell in love with a flashier sedan he’d found at a dealership. I thanked Mannix as he walked to the opposite row of vehicles parked at the neighborhood center. The beep of the automatic lock made a sporty little mini double blink its headlights. The young man eased into his understated luxury car with unassuming confidence. I was a sucker for material items I couldn’t afford, especially this type of tasteful indulgence. Mannix teased his engine before letting his vehicle make its way out of the car park. I sat there for a minute or two, wondering if I was doing the right thing. After all, I was only going for a drink. Wasn’t I? Guilt was rising through my body. I could see Mannix climbing over me into that imaginary bathtub again. His basket of goodies inviting this old wolf to sample. I turned the key and started my engine. As I made my way to the street, my thoughts alternated between Technicolor adultery and refined G-rated friendship. Did Mannix have an ulterior motive, or was I full of wishful thinking? It wouldn’t be hard to hide this fling from Wade, even if we just decided to meet up on another night when I was supposed to be at art class. No, bugger it. Why wait? There was a bathtub waiting at home, and Wade was at his salsa lesson and wouldn’t be home for at least another hour. The tub would be filled to the brim, a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and a Northern soul compilation drifting in from the lounge room. But then, I wondered what would happen if Wade’s dancing partner, Tim, didn’t need a lift home. He’d be home early. How would I have explained my need to bathe? Perhaps the other students attacked me with their charcoal crayons. Maybe the teacher hated my work so much that I was berated to the point of needing to soak up the tension. I pictured Mannix on our sofa when Wade came home. I would try several coded words to let my husband know that a threesome was on my mind. But this wasn’t our style. We didn’t invite costars to our bed. In fact, like most long-term couples we went through phases of being either solely devoted or acting more like two confident individuals. In recent months, we’d behaved like old souls who knew we couldn’t live without each other. We’d hold each other before we fell into slumber and awake needing to possess each other again. But it might have been fun to share that experience with Mannix. I pulled up in front of the pub, still reeling from my own errant imagination. I took one deep breath to jolt myself back to reality. It didn’t really work. My sense of guilt magnified while I pictured that bathtub again and Mannix’s soft lips cruising toward my own. “Adam, are you okay?” My gaze darted to the person who was knocking on the windscreen. It was Mannix, curious to why I was taking so long to get out of my car.

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Meet the Author

Kevin lives with his long-term partner, Warren, in their humble apartment (affectionately named Sabrina), in Australia’s own ‘Emerald City,’ Sydney. From an early age, Kevin had a passion for writing, jotting down stories and plays until it came time to confront puberty. After dealing with pimple creams and facial hair, Kevin didn’t pick up a pen again until he was in his thirties. His handwritten manuscript was being committed to paper when his work commitments changed, giving him no time to write. Concerned, his partner, Warren, secretly passed the notebook to a friend who in turn came back and demanded Kevin finish his story. It wasn’t long before Kevin’s active imagination was let loose again. His first novel spawned a secondary character named Guy, an insecure gay angel, but many readers argue that he is the star of the Actors and Angels book series. Guy’s popularity surprised the author. So with his fictional guardian angel guiding him, Kevin hopes to bring more whimsical tales of love, life and friendship to his readers.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Coming In by Michelle Ogilvy

Title:  Coming In
Author: Michelle Ogilvy
Publisher:  NineStar Press
Release Date: May 15, 2017
Heat Level: 3 - Some Sex
Pairing: Male/Male
Length: 70100
Genre: Contemporary, bi, blue-collar, cisgender, coming out, contemporary, explicit, gay, in the closet, romance

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Interview



When did you write your first story and what was the inspiration for it?

I used to write stories out of the spelling words I was supposed to be learning when I was around eleven to make my homework a bit more interesting. My teacher was letting me pick my own words at that point so they were all these unusual words that I picked out of the dictionary that I’d never heard of before. As I had no real context for any of these words, and I was going by dictionary definitions, the stories sound ridiculous when I read them as an adult.

Do you have a writing schedule or do you just write when you can find the time?

I write when I have the time. Sometimes this can be difficult to find, but I always start to feel anxious and irritable if I go too long without working on something.

Briefly describe the writing process. Do you create an outline first? Do you seek out inspirational pictures, videos or music? Do you just let the words flow and then go back and try and make some sense out it?

Is all of the above a suitable answer? I do create some kind of outline before I start. I never stick to it, though. It just means that I have an idea of where to head in the story. As I go, I sometimes update the outline. Sometimes, I just get to the end and realise that the ending is completely different to what I had anticipated.

Where did the desire to write LGBTQIA+ stories come from?

When I was at university, I was reading a lot of slash fanfiction late at night as I was researching whatever assignment I was supposed to do. I think that’s probably where it came from.

How much research do you do when writing a story and what are the best sources you’ve found for giving an authentic voice to your characters?

I’m not a big one for research. Usually, I get to a spot in the story where I’ll need to know something and I’ll start Googling. As I’m not writing in a genre like historical fiction, this is most often enough. Also, in Coming In, I kept a lot of things to what I knew (I studied to be a librarian, like Adam), or knew someone well enough that I could quiz them to get details to make it sound authentic (I know people who trained to be bakers, like Jay).


Synopsis



Jay and Adam have been sharing a flat, and a bed, since they moved down to Adelaide after high school a couple of years ago. Neither man considers himself gay or mentions the sexual nature of their friendship to anyone else. Their arrangement doesn’t stop Jay from casually dating random women he meets through work and both men seem happy with the way things are. That is, until Adam meets April, a damsel in distress that latches herself onto Adam in a way that he doesn’t mind at all. Jay sure does, though. As Adam gets closer to April, the friendship between the two men starts to unravel and for the first time in years, Jay is facing a life without Adam. If he wants to save their friendship, he will have to offer Adam a lot more than a spot in his bed. There’s only one problem, Jay doesn’t believe in love.

Excerpt

Coming In Michelle Ogilvy © 2017 All Rights Reserved Chapter One Jay knew it was going to be a hard night. Adam had come by the store to pick up something for dinner, and he’d been mumbling to himself again. It was becoming a habit with him. Ever since Adam had started the new semester, he’d been complaining about this one subject. It didn’t seem to make any difference what Jay said or did. There was only one thing that could distract Adam. Not that Jay had a problem with providing that kind of distraction—it was the bitching and moaning that preceded it that had him dawdling to get home. This would be the third year that he and Adam had been flatmates in Adelaide, and Jay could picture exactly what he would find when he walked through the door. He pasted on a smile and braced himself. Sure enough, Adam was sitting in the middle of a pile of textbooks and handwritten notebooks spread across most of the floor space with various highlighters and pens strewn throughout the mess. The more stressed Adam got, the less likely Jay would be to see the floor, or the bench in the kitchen area, or pretty much anything in Adam’s room. Jay always drew the line at any of that shit ending up in his own room. His aim for the night was to get Adam in there where the other man couldn’t torture himself over whatever went wrong that day. At least now Jay didn’t have to worry about Adam literally pulling his hair out from stress. Adam had starting cutting his hair short after he’d started at uni. The new hairstyle had broken the stress-pulling habit, so Adam had kept it. The muttering had gotten worse, though. Jay wasn’t even sure that Adam knew he was doing it half the time. “So, what sludge have we got for dinner tonight?” Jay asked, making sure to keep his tone light. Adam didn’t look up. “It was your turn to cook, remember?” “Oh, right. I forgot. I bought some stuff.” Adam gestured vaguely towards the kitchen area. Jay couldn’t bring himself to call an area bounded by benches rather than walls an actual kitchen, like it was a separate room. “What are we in for? Pizza? Lasagne? Reheated puke?” “It was rice.” “In puke?” “In… I don’t know.” Adam finally pulled his head up from his books and looked at Jay. “It was weeks ago. When are you going to let that go?” Jay shrugged. “When it stops being amusing.” “I’m too tired to joke around, Jay.” “Fridays.” Jay shook his head and sighed dramatically. “I’ll just go ahead and nuke us something then.” “It’s my turn,” Adam said, not moving from his position on the floor. “I’m not sure you’re trusted with the microwave, Adam. Do we really have to have the reheated puke joke twice in one night?” “That wasn’t my fault, bakeboy.” “Bakeboy? Maybe you should take a break from the study. I think it’s fried your brain. That’s the lamest insult I’ve ever heard. Come on, Obsesso, come get some grub.” “Obsesso?” Adam was trying not to laugh. Jay could tell. “I think that’s about at the same level as bakeboy. Figure I’ll keep all my best insults until you’re feeling more up to it.” Adam huffed but got up off his butt and onto the stool at the kitchen bench. He watched as Jay put the dinners in the microwave. “You shouldn’t stand in front of those, you know,” Adam said. “They’ll give you cancer.” “The sad thing about that is that you wouldn’t cry at my funeral,” Jay replied. “What do you mean?” “The way you’re going, you’ll die from an ulcer long before I die of cancer.” Jay moved away from the thing anyway. Their microwave was large, old, and temperamental. Or just plain mental, depending on how generous they were feeling towards it on the day. The clicking noise it was making was certainly a new development. Adam heaved a large sigh, and Jay turned his attention back to his friend. “Do I dare ask what the evil wench did today?” Jay asked. “It’s just that she expects so much,” Adam replied. “I hear ya.” “Where did she get such high expectations anyway?” “Germany.” Jay’s comment barely rated a glance. “It’s not like we’re all overly efficient geniuses.” “I’ve always been partial to lazy dimwits, myself.” “It’s like that stupid subject is supposed to be the centre of our universe.” “Unhealthy, that.” “If we don’t spend at least three times as much effort as we do in other subjects, we barely pass.” “That’s what I’ve heard.” “I just don’t have that amount of time.” “Another credit?” “I never got a C in anything before I took her class.” “Well, there was PE. You weren’t real good at PE.” “I know it’s a big joke to you, Jay, but it’s my life.” “I don’t think uni’s actually counted as life.” Jay was trying for a smile, but all he got was a glare. “Geez, if it bothers you that much, do something.” “Like…?” “Hmm. Leave it with me. I’ll think of something,” Jay said as the microwave beeped. “And dinner is served. Enjoy your cancer in a bowl, Obsesso.” Adam didn’t say anything, but he was finally smiling. The first step in Jay’s plan. The crucial point would be after dinner when Adam would want to go back to studying. If Jay could prevent that happening, at least for the night, Adam might have time to get over whatever issues he’d had that day and look at the problem afresh in the morning. Otherwise he would be obsessing over it all night. When Adam had finished eating, he dumped his dishes in the sink and started making motions towards the pile of papers and other paraphernalia in the lounge. Jay threw out the first distraction he could think of to prevent a return to study mode. “Hey, it’s Dan,” he said, directing Adam’s attention to the window and a view of their neighbour. “Out for another night of debauchery.” “I don’t know how he does it,” Adam said, coming over to stand next to Jay at the window. “Of course not. You barely leave the flat for anything but uni. Practically a hermit. You’ll end up one of those old men who stay at home all day waiting for some kid to kick a ball into your yard so you can yell at them from the porch.” “Fuck you.” “If you insist.” Jay grinned and pressed his lips to Adam’s. “My assignment. I have to go over the comments,” Adam mumbled around Jay’s tongue. Jay ignored him. Adam needed this way more than he needed to chastise himself over comma placement or whatever minor issue the professor was cracking down on that week. Jay had never been afraid of hard work, but Adam made everything harder than it needed to be. Including Jay. Which is how they had started this little dance of theirs in the first place. Now, it was simply a part of life. Everything about Adam was familiar now, from his long, slightly crooked nose and deep brown eyes to the toenails that he never seemed to trim frequently enough. No matter how many times they did this, though, Jay didn’t get tired of looking or touching. The women that shared Jay’s bed on occasion, they never lasted long. But Adam was his mate. That was something completely different and lasting. Yet, each time Jay leaned in for a kiss with Adam, there was always a moment as their lips met when he wondered if this would be the night that Adam pushed him away. When Adam finally questioned why the hell they were doing this. Whether this really was a ‘mates’ thing to do. But Adam never questioned. Jay was glad of it. The guy needed a release, with all the pressure he put himself under. Jay didn’t mind providing a helping hand. And by this point, he knew all the right buttons to push until Adam let go and surrendered to the demands of sensation and impulse. Just the way Jay liked him. The alarm went off at 3:30. As usual, Adam had latched onto Jay like a drowning man while they were sleeping, but Jay had learnt how to extricate himself enough to roll out of bed. “Turn it off,” Adam moaned, pulling the sheet over his head. Jay leaned over and switched the alarm off. Then he yanked the sheet from Adam’s head, put his mouth to Adam’s ear and said, “You could always sleep in your own room.” Adam groaned and pulled the sheet back up again. Jay grinned and sauntered out of the room to have a shower. A typical Saturday morning. The early morning shifts usually meant that Jay had a long afternoon nap so that he’d be functioning on Saturday night. On this particular night, though, Jay kind of wished that he was sleepier. It was the only thing he could think of that would have made the night more endurable. It felt like Tammy had been yapping in his ear ever since he’d picked her up a few hours ago. You would think that somewhere in all that noise, he would have found some commonality to latch on to, some topic to discuss rather than talk at each other. Even some peace and quiet during the movie would have been welcome. But no. He had not anticipated the night going this way when he’d asked her out earlier in the week. Of course, his attention might have been slightly lower than her mouth when he’d thought that a good idea. She was hot, for sure. He was starting to think that he might need to expand the criteria for a date, though. Maybe he should just offer to take her home and end the misery. On the other hand, she was the one who’d suggested going back to his place. Maybe they could find some commonality there. Like a shared need for less clothing. He was in two minds about which option to choose, but when driving, a destination is usually a pretty good idea, especially seeing as the two options were in opposite directions. For the moment, his little mind was winning. “What made you want to be a baker, anyway?” Tammy said. It took Jay a second to realise it was an actual question and he should respond. By that point, she’d moved on. “You don’t seem like someone who’s into looking after people. The smell must be just delicious, though. I love the smell of baking. Is that what it was, the smell? I know that—” “There’s less traffic in the morning,” Jay interrupted. “Huh?” the girl said. “That’s what I like about baking. We start early so there’s less traffic when I go to work.” Tammy just looked at him for a few beats. Then she shrieked in his ear. Startled the hell out of him. “Isn’t it gorgeous?” she exclaimed, staring out of Jay’s window. “Spunky.” “Spunky?” People still used that word? Jay grimaced. He glanced over and saw one of those dumb hatchbacks that looked as if the tail had been lopped off. “You know, cute, zippy, sporty, lush—” “It’s crap.” He cut her off before she could think of another twenty or thirty adjectives. “What do ya mean it’s crap. It’s not crap.” “Zero to a hundred takes a month,” Jay explained. “It’s got average suspension. Understeers. You’d pay through the nose for petrol. And a mate of mine said his air-conditioning barely cooled his left… hand.” “Seats looked comfy, though.” God. If the seats looked comfy, it must be roadworthy. Obviously cars were not going to be their common ground. Jay was still betting on nakedness. Jay had told Adam that he’d be bringing someone home. He’d hoped it would force Adam to rein himself in a little. Even so, Jay held his breath as he opened the door to the flat. Adam was back to studying, sprawled across the lounge room floor again. It appeared to be his usual level of overachievement, though, rather than the disaster area from the night before so Jay figured a mental breakdown wasn’t drastically imminent. “Can I use your bathroom?” Tammy asked. “Through the hall, on the right,” he replied. Tammy smiled and headed through. While she was gone, Jay went over to the fridge to grab a couple of Cokes, leaving boot prints on several sheets of paper on the way. When he turned, Adam was right behind him. He offered Adam one of the Cokes before he got any grief about how important the papers had been. “How’s it going?” Adam asked. Jay leaned in conspiratorially. “My advice: don’t engage. She’ll go into an hour-long monologue about her long-term goals, then segue into what yours should be.” “I don’t know. She looked in a pretty big hurry to me.” Adam’s statement prompted a grin from Jay. “I bought the biggest Coke they had and kept shoving it at her. She must have a bladder the size of an elephant,” Jay said. “What was she? Talker? Toucher? Popcorn hogger? Not…” Adam widened his eyes, “a mobile phone answerer?” “Talker. Through the whole movie. I swear she didn’t even close her mouth to sip. How is that possible?” “Could explain the whole elephant bladder thing, though.” “I gotta start dating out of Woolworths.” Jay shook his head mournfully, and Adam laughed. Jay made this statement frequently but never took his own advice. Adam always maintained that this was due to laziness on Jay’s part. But it wasn’t laziness, it was practicality. Why bother looking for girls when they threw themselves at him on a daily basis at work? Neither man noticed Tammy coming back. “Got any Coke?” she said from the other side of the kitchen counter. “Adam just drank the last of it, but I’m sure we can find you something.” Jay turned to the fridge, mouthing “elephant” to Adam. Adam hid a smirk and headed to the lounge area. “So, you want it here or in my room?” Jay asked when he emerged from the fridge with a can of Solo. “It’s a little overcrowded in here.” Tammy looked over into the lounge area and saw Adam step into the small circle he had made inside of all the junk he had around the room. It might have been less than the night before but was still a remarkable amount of junk for a normal person. And then Adam started mumbling to himself. They heard “the internet,” said scornfully, with a snort of disbelief. Jay frowned. Maybe it was worse than he’d thought. “Yeah. Okay,” she said. Jay led her to his bedroom. He was still frowning as he closed the bedroom door, his mind half on Adam. He should probably check in on Adam later, make sure the guy wasn’t stressing out too much again. The frown dissipated a little when he turned around and found a bare-chested Tammy waiting for him on his bed. “Not one for small talk?” he said. That surprised him. “Just come over and show me what you’ve got, big boy.” She patted the bed, and Jay went over and kissed her. Hard and long, savouring the silence. Then he started to kiss down her neck. “Kinda sparse in here. Don’cha even have a picture of your mother?” Jay groaned inwardly and made his way back to her mouth. Jay was lying peacefully in bed after Tammy left when he felt a body slide in behind him. Then breath warming the back of his neck. “Well?” the body asked. “It couldn’t have gotten worse with elephant bladder, surely.” “Ugh. If she would’ve shut up for more than three minutes at a time, it might have helped.” Adam laughed, and Jay would have hit him with a pillow if they hadn’t been lying on both of them. He tried a palm instead, but Adam still snickered. “She seemed…” Adam paused. “Inquisitive.” “Inquisitive?” Jay said. “Was she quizzing you on the way out? God, what did she ask? It wasn’t ‘do you have a picture of your mother’ was it? You probably would have liked that.” “Showing her pictures of my mother? I don’t think I want to hear about the kinky shit you get up to, Jay. Actually, she saw the cans there for recycling and asked me why we use Heinz baked beans instead of SPC. I’d never really thought about it.” “‘Cause SPC are crap. Now go to sleep, ya big wanker.” “That probably would have been a shorter conversation,” Adam acknowledged. “Going to Ash this weekend?” “Gotta work.” “You have to go down there sometime, you know.” “No. I don’t,” Jay said. He felt Adam turn away and knew Adam was disappointed. Adam was always more disappointed when Jay didn’t go than Jay’s own family was. Strange boy. Jay had never understood his friend’s attachment to their lame-ass hometown. Jay would be completely fine going the rest of his life without setting foot in Ashdon Harbor. “Adam?” Jay murmured. “Mmm?” “Why is it that I only seem to attract women that I have absolutely nothing to say to these days?” “Dunno. Maybe you just attract women with bad taste in men,” Adam replied. Jay slapped Adam again, using the opportunity to pull Adam towards him so that Adam’s front was right up against his back. “You still feeling stressed?” Jay asked. Adam sighed, burrowing his forehead against Jay’s shoulder. “Take that as a yes,” Jay said. “Thanks for reminding me about it,” Adam mumbled. “Oh, you were looking for distraction? I can do distraction.” Jay nudged Adam off his shoulder and rolled around so they were facing each other. “Besides, I think I’ve come up with a solution to your problem.” “Oh yeah?” Adam said, as Jay started with the promised distraction, slipping his leg between Adam’s thighs. “You know I always come through for you,” Jay said, his hands wandering over Adam’s body. “Mmm. What’s your solution?” “I’m gonna buy you a watch.” “Which will…?” “You’re always saying time gets away from you. Can’t do that if it’s strapped to your wrist. Only logical.” Adam made a noise somewhere between a groan and a laugh, mixed with a little arousal as Jay’s wandering hands found a particularly sensitive spot. “That may be the stupidest joke you’ve ever made,” Adam said. “Doubt it. But stick with me, kid. They’ll only get worse.” Jay could feel Adam laughing, probably against his better judgement. But he wasn’t tense anymore. Mission accomplished. Still, while Jay was there, he might as well finish what he started. He pulled Adam closer, hot skin against his, Adam’s erection evidence that tonight wasn’t going to be the night Jay would be pushed away. Emboldened by the encouragement, Jay grabbed the back of Adam’s head and kissed him stupid. He fully intended to lick his way down, tracing the path his hands had already made on Adam’s body, and do something with that hard-on that Adam had so graciously supplied for him. But, for the moment, he was content staying right where he was, Adam’s tongue playing with his and Adam’s fingers digging into his cheeks, keeping him close. He didn’t have to work in the morning so there was no need to speed things up. They had all the time they could want. And there was nothing Jay wanted more than to replace the taste of Tammy with Adam’s familiar flavour.

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Meet the Author

Michelle Ogilvy was born and bred in Adelaide, Australia. In primary school, to alleviate the boredom of putting spelling list words in sentences to explain their meaning, she started weaving them all into stories. She hasn’t been able to shake this writing thing ever since.
Her day job involves working on health data collection tools, which resulted in her first publication, in a medical journal. For about a year, she worked as an editor for the department, but eventually she realised that her writing at home was enough time spent alone concentrating on words on a computer screen and she went back to her old job. It’s still a lot of time spent staring at a computer, but there’s at least more interaction with actual humans. You can find Michelle on Twitter

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Monday, May 15, 2017

An Instruction in Sin by Amy Paine


Title:  An Instruction in Sin
Series: Traveling Companions, book 3
Author: Amy Paine
Publisher:  NineStar Press
Release Date: May 15, 2017
Heat Level: 3 - Some Sex
Pairing: Female/Female
Length: 22000
Genre: historical, historical, in the closet, infidelity, established couple, vacation

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Synopsis

Millie, now married to James, is taking her delayed honeymoon on the Riviera, and her lover, Benita, has accompanied them. Millie’s attitude towards her has changed, and even though their affair is still as intense as ever, and now plumbs new depths of depravity—as she watches husband and wife together—Benita begins to wonder if Millie actually loves her as much as she thought, or if, as she feared, marriage has changed her. Her emotions in turmoil, Benita is plunged into a world of doubt as things prove harder for her to accept than she thought. In the midst of her anxiety though, she soon begins to wonder if the tales of James are true, and he is more of a womaniser than Millie knows. As Benita fights for the love of her life, James is drawn further into the world of wealthy industrialist Lance Preslin and his beautiful damaged wife, Belle. Benita investigates his absences from the villa and soon fears that James is indeed having an affair. Events are poised as Benita finds herself in an impossible situation, should she or should she not air her fears, or will this push Millie further away. Then, the unthinkable occurs, and overnight, something happens changes her entire future.

Excerpt

An Instruction in Sin Amy Paine © 2017 All Rights Reserved Chapter One Benita lay naked on a chaise longue by the narrow French hotel window, primed and waiting for her lover. She’d had so much sex she was satiated and floated in a post-coital afterglow, her limbs drugged, her mind softly intoxicated. It was like floating on a cloud. Suddenly, her eyes were covered by a pair of hands that were much smaller and shapelier than hers. Millie’s hands. Hands as white as snow, the skin covering them so thin Benita could see every blue vein beneath. She rubbed her thumb over them, experiencing a familiar surge of passion. She loved the sensation of them twining through her hair, caressing her naked body, and plunging into all her concealed places—the deeper ones—where they were capable of giving exquisite pleasure. She grabbed Millie’s fingers and held them. She was so much stronger, afraid she might break those delicate digits, yet the fragility made her feel fiercely protective. Millie had always been as skinny as a bird but, for some reason Benita could not identify, she seemed frailer these last few weeks. “Oh, be careful,” Millie chortled, her voice half laughter, half reprimand. “Take me again, en flagrante delicto?” Benita murmured huskily. “Do as I command. Pose for me.” “My dear, you can be so vulgar.” She opened her eyes to see Millie standing in front of her. Millie had bathed and wore a fine negligée of sheer material that showed the dips and shadows of her body. Her hair fell around her shoulders, surrounding her face in a blonde cloud. She looked like an angel and not human at all. They were so diametrically opposed. Benita termed herself voluptuous, while Millie was this beautiful wraith, this pale moonbeam of a woman. “We really must resist,” Millie said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Sometimes I think it’s so wrong to indulge like this. In fact, I know it is. We behave like a pair of heathens.” She was often so naïve in her statements, so innocent, so seemingly perfect in her behaviour, yet Benita saw another side to her unleashed on the Midi, where she rubbed shoulders with her beloved film stars and ravenously consumed the newspaper articles and endless gossip about them, even persisting in talking to the point of obsession about the bawdy parties and partner-swapping that apparently went on profusely. “What’s the matter?” Benita asked. Millie seemed slightly crestfallen, as if she didn’t want to be entirely here when, an hour earlier, at the mercy of Benita’s instruction in sin, she had thrashed and entwined her limbs dramatically in the silk sheets. Benita experienced a flush of mixed emotions. This sexual greed, then despair—the vicissitudes of Millie’s emotions and needs—controlled her, making her life, at times, like hell. She had never anticipated being like this, allowing herself to feel so utterly directionless. But love had taken her over in such a short space of time, she feared she’d lost her sense of who she was. The control was subtle, Millie tirelessly giving the impression it was Benita who led the way, but not concealing her manipulations. She was as conniving as a rake and created an illusion of submission that allowed her to imprison her lover. In the beginning, she had seduced Benita remorselessly. After Millie married James, though, and their sinful liaison deepened, it was she who acquiesced willingly to Benita’s game of domination. Yet, even within that world of new sin—of dipping her toe into the waters of carnal need, embellished by Benita’s dirty role-play—she held yet more direction. Millie fascinated, and that was control. She fascinated Benita by being as dirty as dirty could be, and begging her for her toys—for whip, chain, and pain. The fact she thought she held power when she actually didn’t at all was alternately grim and pleasurable for Benita. Each day, she endured a ride of longing and excitement, swiftly followed by terror and a pain that, while excruciating, was also exquisitely masochistic. The only time she could ever be certain she led the game was during sex, and that made her violently demonstrative and her behaviour more imaginative and profound than she could ever have imagined. Her secret places moistened just thinking about it. Millie was insatiably thirsty when it came to sexual experimentation. She exhorted Benita to tie her with scarves and ropes as tightly as she could, the pain a seeming penance for something Benita did not understand. She would squeal and thrash as Benita bathed her in kisses and the administrations of imaginative tonguing. Then Benita would tantalise her with her forbidden toys, the ones she kept carefully hidden, only bringing them out when she wished to amaze and incite ecstasy. That Millie asked Benita to fuck her harder with these toys on each occasion only heightened her love and desire for her mercurial lover. Was this that most elusive of things, true love, she wondered? Was it possible for love not to be soft, but to be all about this obsessive need to control? The feeling was definitely more powerful than she had imagined it to be. This was not the gentle, deep thing the writers and poets spoke about. This was hot, trembling, and violent. A raw mixture of jealousy, rage, and a desire to give vent to her caged emotions that fed a fire without equal, deep inside. The highs of this passion were exquisite, how she imagined flying above the clouds would be. Soaring towards a searing, bright sun, warmed by it, wanting to be consumed by the heat and thus transformed; feeling light and free and so inexpressibly happy, until the fall back down to earth, the drifting through the continually oppressive and thick atmosphere as she anticipated hitting the ground with a bump. Whenever they parted, she was tormented and captured by a tragic sense of loss that ripped her emotions into shreds and left her doubting her position in her lover’s life. In these moments, it seemed Millie loaded the dice of the game in her favour. Millie might argue she was equally in ferment, but she never seemed to be. She only vented her passion when restrained. When she departed from whatever venue they were at, she would again be remarkably within herself and constrained, as if she lived life in two forms of bondages. One controlled by Benita, the other by her husband. Benita was constantly insecure. At the back of her mind, she knew that if she jeopardised Millie’s marriage, Millie would walk away. She had made that clear enough in her veiled comments. These fearful thoughts pounded away at Benita like breakers on the shoreline, until the situation drove her mad. They were in love. Both of them, equally but in different ways, absolutely and utterly, and yet their relationship was so precarious it was like walking a tightrope. “It’s simply that…do you suppose they guess?” Millie queried. “I mean to say, the people here at the hotel? Even the little man across the road at the café seems to look at us intensely.” “Oh, you are silly. You have nothing to worry about, you know. Always it’s as if you’re so concerned what others think. Of course they know. But what do they care? We are hidden, we are discreet, and that is all they would ask of people coming here for assignations… And we did know this was a place for that, didn’t we? That’s why we chose it.” Benita’s heart contracted, then expanded as Millie, whose eyes were excessively large and luminous in her pained face, stared at her. “Do you think so?” There was a doubtful edge to her tone. “We are completely safe, and I will protect you. I will never let anyone know. If I detect just a whiff of someone finding out, I will erase it. Anyway, no one would ever guess it—the reality of what we are to one another, that is. I am staying with you and James at the villa, so I must appear like an old friend, almost a sister—a gooseberry to two people so evidently in love.” Benita hadn’t been able to help saying that. It was a deliberate dig. She did it often, as if she was fishing for a truth, hoping to observe a breakdown in Millie’s cultured façade. “I do so wonder sometimes. I think I see people looking and speculating about our relationship. It’s fine at the villa, but I worry about it when we are in town. It would seem so unlikely for us to come here, two women on our own.” “Oh darling, how could they possibly realise anything? They simply see we are close. That is what we have told them. What close friends we are, and it’s not so terribly odd. Lots of women have intimate friendships, even to the extent of sharing a room. It is nothing out of the ordinary.” “I know, I do. I just worry such a lot. It’s so terribly important to me that—well, you know…that what we have remains secret. And you must admit, if someone did see us, it would be so positively awful.” “No one will. We are exceedingly careful and this place is so off the beaten track.” Again, the stabbing pain. Sometimes Millie talked as if she was ashamed of what they had together, but perhaps that was Benita’s paranoia and she read more into it than there was. Anyway, she was sure they were secure at the hotel. It was a tasteful, hidden gem, a hideaway for movie stars and the well-to-do, and notable for the concealment of affairs. For that very reason, it could be found only by the circumnavigation of narrow streets. Millie twined her hair around her finger, then she shrugged. “I know, but still…” They were so at odds, so different in their reactions to their affair. While Benita couldn’t care a fig about anyone finding out because she would easily field the gossip and to hell with it, Millie fretted to the point of hysteria. Benita bit her tongue. She found she had to do it more and more often lately. If she didn’t, she knew what might happen. Millie was tense enough and the culmination of her fretting—a tirade of unconsidered words, said on the spur of the moment—could tumble the house of cards of Benita’s love and bring disaster in its wake. It made her ice-cold to think of it. To even consider the possibility that, one day, Millie for all her protestations of devotion might come to her and declare that she had to consider her life and her position as a married woman. It did not matter that she had so often reiterated that she couldn’t let Benita go, not ever. She could no longer continue that delicate balancing act she fulfilled each day, and would have to say good-bye. The savage battlefield that was James had become an increasingly complicated series of strategic moves that drained her. In the beginning, Millie had not mentioned him, which had made it easier. Now she did, and with increasing frequency. These remarks hurt so much, it was as if Millie were stroking Benita with a hard, abrasive brush that made her skin sore and percolated down to tear at her soul. “The staff are not allowed to know,” she reiterated. “That’s their job here. That’s why this place is special.” Benita’s voice held an edge of hostility. It had been with her all day; it came from sitting in the shadows last night, enduring the sight of Millie dancing with James. A severe doubt had risen up in her. Sprouting like a wayward plant, it threw off leaves until it grew out of all proportion, sowing doubts in her imagination about how a man and a woman could dance together like that—twisting and turning and engaging in flirtatious laughter—and not be in love when their bodies spoke of lust. Those tender moments, when Millie was in the arms of her husband and seemed to adore him, wanting to kiss and touch him, put her through agony. The pit in Benita’s stomach opened wider, in tandem with her aching heart. Her generally buoyant spirits sank further. She’d been melancholy ever since they’d stepped off the ship. Her initial enthusiasm for the sinful holiday she and Millie had cooked up together was jaundiced by James, who seemed to want to prove something to his wife in front of Benita. It was as if he’d grown envious of their womanly closeness. This was strange in itself, as he had always encouraged them to be together. Nonetheless, he seemed to be putting on a performance in front of her, as if to say, “This girl belongs to me, and woe betide you if you try to take her.” It was utterly ridiculous. How could she ever be secure, in this mingling of woman-and-woman and woman-and-man? Benita burned with the jealousy she hated herself for. She should not feel such jealousy towards someone she loved. But seeing them together as man and wife, doing the things two such people did, made her wild. It drove home to her that Millie did not belong to her, and, with the best will in the world, probably never would because of so many factors. Millie’s social position for one. And supposing James left Millie at some point—or Millie left James, as improbable as it seemed? Even so, Benita wondered if she could ever be as she dreamed—like the woman she had once seen in the seedy club in Soho. The one in the suit, her cheek pressed close to her lover, who wore a filmy dress. It had been easy to imagine herself like that in the future. The savage stab of emotion made her breathless. Sometimes it was better to just blot it out, as the whole thing was simply too awful to face up to. The threat of unrequited love: too catastrophic, and a vast ocean of possible pain. Jealousy and insecurity were wounds that smarted. She wanted to bathe them, put a salve on them, and bandage them away out of sight so that they would heal, but that was next to impossible. She hated the way Millie aroused her, made her feel strong and yet feeble at the same time. The trouble was, the stronger her love grew, the more her doubts squeezed her to the point of pain. She ought not to doubt her lover, but such was the nature of love she couldn’t help it. She had only to remember the day when they’d met in the railway carriage. An almost-dalliance between travelling companions, of the most obscene and out of character sort. Perhaps, in spite of everything, Millie was callous and played her for a fool. But she could not be that wicked, could she? Benita sometimes wasn’t so certain. It was true she was inclined to be a predator. She had been in the beginning; that was the trouble. It was Millie who had started it, after all, the whole passionate chain of events. She wants the best of both worlds. She is using me as a means to satiate her needs. Her needs to have a woman’s body as well as her husband’s and the things that husband can give her: a home, an income, security. She tried to push these troubling thoughts away. She was seeing obstacles where there weren’t any. She was simply a fool in love and, as a consequence, her active imagination worked overtime. Millie gave off an alluring aroma of musky womanhood mingled with Chanel perfume as she stepped closer. “You are so beautiful,” Benita said. “I am not.” “Yes, you are.” She sat up and drew Millie onto the couch, encircling Millie’s wrist. She wanted to tie her again, and do all the things to her that her imagination forced her to do. She wanted to make her acquiesce so she belonged again, needing to eradicate Millie’s thoughts of James. She wanted to force her to writhe and squeal from her instruction in sin, as if she were a wild creature. “Why are you smiling?” Millie asked. “Nothing. Only that I want to possess you again and again, and I wish that I could climb inside you, like…” She couldn’t stop herself. “Like he does, like James. To possess you. I wish I were a man with a man’s penis. I want to feel my skin in contact with the essence of you. Only then can I truly possess you. Perhaps without a penis, I’m lost. What do you think?” Two high spots glowed in Millie’s cheeks and her lips tightened into a firm, hard line. The blush was the ember of desire. Benita could also read a stubborn tilt to the chin that meant Millie would not be drawn further with this particular conversation. “Don’t be silly.” “I’m not silly.” Benita slid her hand beneath the negligée, cupping Millie’s buttocks. She had discovered her lover’s penchant for pain quite by accident. It was as fierce as hers was, and only required a swift clasp of the fist and dig of the nails. Her body moistened further at the thought of chewing on Millie’s neat, pink nipples, and how those nipples became rigid, her body arched and held as tight as a bow, as she quivered on the cusp of release. “And when you speak like that it’s so vulgar.” “And you love it. You cry for more. If you recall, you screamed and shouted so loudly you had to bite the pillow an hour ago.” “Oh, that.” Millie turned and looked out of the window. She couldn’t meet Benita’s gaze. It was as if her passion embarrassed her. “Yes, well, if I am guilty of behaving like that, it’s because you’ve made me like it.” If only she were a man, Benita sometimes thought. She longed for each new day with a trembling craving, akin to a man’s need for release. And if only she had the means to give Millie what she had to have. Her whole life, these days, was governed by fantasising over ways in which she could be more, make a better and more powerful life for herself, so that one day she could win Millie. It was infantile, but she had to do it. One day, Millie’s mother would die; in fact, she was already growing increasingly frail. When she did, Millie’s marriage would not then be so important to her, would it? That was why she had married James, after all: to save her mother and herself from poverty. To salvage them, when only she had the strength to. She hated thinking these thoughts, but she invariably did following good sex. “You are so gorgeous,” she said. “People stare at you because you’re like an angel. They stare at me through curiosity.” Millie said nothing as she combed her hand through her hair and coiled it onto her head. She reached onto the bedside table to take her tortoiseshell combs and secure them in place. She knew she was beautiful; naturally, she did, and so she ought. “Did you see her come in?” Benita said, wishing to change the subject and referring to the actress she’d noticed earlier. “Elicia Pride, you mean? Move over, old thing.” The change of subject had worked, and Millie nudged her. Benita wriggled away, making room for her to lie down beside her, then embracing her with her long, languorous limbs. The contact blurred the jagged edges of doubt in Benita’s mind. That was how it was. Maybe it was what made their relationship so hazardous. The way Millie could anaesthetise her to anything other than the rapturous sensations inside her. She wondered if Millie ever felt the same and ever feared the end. She liked to talk about how she felt in love, but Millie didn’t much. It was expressed by the reactions of her body and her moans, garlanded by purrs of delight. Words rose up in her throat. They were the ones she wanted to ask Millie on a daily basis and which she felt she could not. “Do you truly love me as much as I love you?” There, she had thought them, and today, for some reason, before she knew it, she had said them. She needed to hear Millie’s vocal reassurance, although doubts would still assail her, no matter if Millie said it. “Oh, silly thing, of course I do.” Millie curled closer, like a kitten, and Benita trailed her hands around and across her nipples, while she used her thighs to draw apart Millie’s legs. Normally, her lips would follow the trail of her hands, but today they didn’t. Millie was more reticent than usual and less soft. It was as if something had hardened her overnight in some way, or perhaps it was simply Benita’s imagination. Whatever the reason, it made Benita draw back. “It’s not the same implying it. Sometimes it would be nice for you just to say it, as you must say it to James.” “It is not a question of rationing the words.” Millie seemed amused. “Not one for you and one for him. Besides, you know I do. You know how we are.” Benita waited a moment before replying. She could sense her anger rising insidiously. The sensation of having to take second place, of being practically reprimanded all the time, grated on her, and it was happening more and more. She rarely felt angry with Millie. You could never be angry with the person you loved more than anyone in the world. But it niggled her and concerned her. She thought the world of her, and yet she did not seem to mean the same to Millie as Millie meant to her—the beginning and end rolled into one. Her love for this woman crippled her, even to the extent of calling off her relationship with her lover, Laurence. She had done that because Millie was the entire world to her. But Millie’s world was shared with James, and thus she was subsidiary to his power. There was no point churning it over ad infinitum, she thought as she stroked Millie’s hair. She lived within a singularity and Millie lived within a duality—her life with James and her life with Benita. Oh, how she hated James’s influence. Now she had thought it, she felt guilty and blamed herself for being the kind of woman she hated. Petty, insecure, and demanding. It was hard dwelling on things. In fact, it was the slippery road to despair and if she persisted, her thoughts would spiral out of control. “Coming to the hotel feels increasingly dangerous,” Millie carried on. “Would it not be better, if, well…we stayed at the villa? It would be so delicious, as a matter of fact. I dream of you when I’m in bed with James. It’s almost unbearable the feelings I have. When he touches me—which, by necessity and being my husband, he must do—I imagine it is you, darling, always you.” Right when everything had seemed poised on the turn of a screw, at the moment of maximum jeopardy, Millie had cleverly pulled it back. “What a clever, what a positively fantastic idea.” “James spends so much time down at the harbour lately with his new friends, and I have no inclination to go with him. That means we would be alone, darling, doesn’t it?” She had called her “darling.” Benita felt a wave of sublime bliss. Millie was soft and warm again, as changeable as the winds that blew across the ocean here, and it was a fabulous suggestion. She would be happy to have Millie to herself at the villa. The Villa Lavende was so lovely, so isolated and private and improbably lavish, hidden as it was from prying eyes. The bougainvillea-garlanded gardens tumbled down the hillside in fuzzy multi-coloured hues. The terrace had a striking view of the sparkling sea and the harbour, with its clusters of houses hanging to the precipitous hills, and the odd yachts that dotted the tranquil azure field of water, as placid as a millpond. Benita’s back window faced none of that. Instead, it looked out over the hills. But she loved the view. She adored the copious folds of the Midi, like the flounced skirts of a dress spread out in dips and hollows, and smelling divine when the resinous branches of the wild herbs bled their infusions into the wind. One could walk for miles over the Provençal hills, and she had done so, because here she found solace. “Yes, I had noticed he did. Silly man.” She couldn’t help the comment. Benita wanted a cigarette but she dared not move. Instead, she stroked Millie’s hair, as Millie condescended to curl against her catlike, purring with a small sound she made in the back of her throat. “I do hate the Preslins.” Millie referred to the new friends James had made in their time here. “Belle Preslin is so vain and vulgar, and as for Lance…” Millie said it quietly and thoughtfully as her thumb traced Benita’s nipple. There was an odd note to her voice: not anger, not jealousy, but perhaps both of those things mixed in with incredulity and sorrow. “They’re the most horrible people, Benny.” Millie called her Benny when she was disturbed. It seemed to be the pet name she had acquired during their games. “Mmm. Personally, I find them rather interesting,” Benita replied. She didn’t want to sting Millie, but it was true. She did find the couple thrilling as they were so avant-garde. They were extravagantly rich and inclined to scandalise. Belle Preslin was impossibly glamorous, with an angular beauty that was noteworthy even in a resort full of beautiful people. She strutted around, vocalising madly over any subject that was likely to inflame. As for Lance Preslin, he was another matter entirely: the personification of sin and sloth. Somewhat portly now in middle age, yet still stunningly attractive. He was a magnet to women who found his sizzling American accent and plucky repartee hard to resist. It puzzled her the way James had gravitated towards the brashness of these people. You could hear the Preslins for miles—Lance’s voice jocular and harsh, Belle’s almost laughing, like a tympanic accompaniment. Because they did not seem like the sort of people James would choose to hang around, it made her pause for a moment. Something about that mixture seemed volatile, and so did Belle, come to that. She had noticed a predatory look in James’s eye whenever they bumped into Belle Preslin. The attraction of the species had its secret code written down and conducted from between the pages of its own rulebook. Belle was so unlike her angel, so striking in a way Millie could never be. She was highly intelligent and had the dark looks of the Jewess, with interesting slanting eyes and a wide, generous mouth that doubtless James had thought capable of doing other things. Her humour was ribald, and frequently Benita had overheard Belle teasing him about things Millie couldn’t have got away with. A tingle surfed over her skin and it was one of illicit excitement. She felt bad about the direction her thoughts were flowing in. It was not that she wanted to see Millie heartbroken by an affair, but it was as if she willed a flame to dance between Belle and James. If it did, it could provide her with a tool for possible leverage. Millie had put James on a pedestal he was not worthy of standing on. Men would be men. James fancied Belle, and Belle fancied James. Millie was an idiot if she did not know, but maybe she did and that was the cause of her sorrowful voice. Millie might endure it, though; she did seem blinded by her husband’s saviour-like qualities and those might cancel out his bad points. Millie pillowed her cheek on Benita’s light-brown breasts and, as her arm wrapped around her and drew her closer, a charge surged through her and she tingled from top to toe. She hated her body seeping fluids and emanating the soft, gentle smell of longing. It had never responded like this for anyone else. It was as if she possessed a dim, glowing light of sin that burned continually in the background. She was a tinderbox around Millie: primed every instant, ready for the strike. Millie, always perceptive and lately frighteningly so, sat up and peered at her. “What is it, darling? You are so strange lately. So thoughtful.” “Nothing.” Benita forced a weak smile. “Yes, there is. There is something terribly wrong. Aren’t you happy here with me?” “Don’t be silly.” Benita glanced out of the window, aware of the forward march of time and how much she loved being here, encapsulated in the hotel that had become their sensual refuge from the world. They were not the only ones who enjoyed their surroundings. They’d become quite friendly with a middle-class couple, who had the suite next to them and who had sex constantly, much to Millie’s mirth. Sex was thirsty. It consumed and swallowed you down like a drug that you couldn’t get enough of. Whenever the four of them met, they exchanged knowing smiles. The couple were open and pleasing to Benita. They were fellow conspirators in the never-ending circle of love, trapped in its vibrant rotation, spinning so fast that they couldn’t end the crazy merry-go-round ride without falling off and perishing. “I think it will be so marvellous back at the villa, don’t you? There will be so much more opportunity to be together. This is a bit seedy, don’t you think? That’s how it feels to me.” Millie chuckled quietly, showing her even, white teeth. Benita dandled her fingers over Millie’s smooth, scented skin. She knew each cosmetic Millie used. Every soap, talc, perfume. She could not breathe them in without experiencing a pang of longing. “I shall miss it, though,” she said sadly. “It has been disgustingly dirty, but it’s nice in that it makes me feel like a thief stealing something precious.” Millie’s frown drew her brows together into the familiar V. “You’re so poetic, but as I belong to you, you cannot steal me.” Then she swung the subject away. “In many ways it reminds me of how we met. The train was rather dirty, wasn’t it?” She disengaged herself from Benita’s grasp. Benita was reluctant to have her go. She could lie with her all day. She would never get tired of the feel and smell of her, and yet all good things had to come to an end, or so they said. And despite their love, there were so many endings and beginnings. In fact, every day was an ending and a beginning simply because they couldn’t belong to one another in the way they would have wished.

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Meet the Author

Amy Paine writes fiction purely for women, with no topic taboo. She loves contemporary lesbian romance but also finds writing stories with an historical flavour and plenty of emotional drama, thrilling. Her goal is to deliver interesting lesbian fiction that makes the reader think.
At the moment she is busy at work writing the Travelling Companions series – a project that took off when one of her friends who loved Downton Abbey, made her wonder about delivering a series of 1920s novellas from a purely female viewpoint. She is busy at work on lots of new projects, too, including short stories and a contemporary lesbian novel. You can find Amy on Facebook.

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